I'm writing this on the eve of my 41st birthday, actually 29 minutes until to be exact.
Since Susannah, aka my aquarian twin {I have to say it's such a treat to share a birthday with her, born just one day apart, it's as if we have been and always will be on this journey together} wrote to a group of us a couple of weeks ago about her idea of sharing the 'truthful tales of how getting older rocks', I've got to be honest and say that this prompt got me thinking about if it really does?
But you know me, if you know me, of course I'm going to come back around, to yes! it most certainly does. It has just been a particularly tough couple of months and/or past year in several ways and I'd be lying to you if I didn't acknowledge that.
But at the end of the day, there is that knowing that seems to hang on in even the darkest times, the place in us that recognizes that this is an amazing time too, even if it is momentarily masquerading as crap. Life, to me, is still magic.
And how do I know that? I know because as I sit here listening to music with my man on the eve of my birthday, refelecting on times past, all the memories are good. They just are. And believe me, I remember when some of those very same moments also felt really hard. It's as if all the experiences just blend together and what I'm left with is a profound gratitude.
Where am I going with all of this? Here's where: What you have in the early part of your life is this freedom from awareness. No matter how well meaning those older than you are, advising you to appreciate your childhood, your twenties, your thirties, reminding you that the world is your oyster; you're just never going to get it. You are never going to appreciate the time you have in the way you should because you simply can't. You have no hindsight. You haven't lived enough yet to have it.
But when you're 40. You know that age that seems to freak people out a little? The same age that many almost univerally say is the moment when they first felt the most in their skin. Like they finally caught up with themsleves? It's true. Literally a couple of weeks after I turned 40 {I had to adjust} I felt like myself for the first time. It's fair to say that growing up an only child, spending a significant amount of time with adults, mostly connecting with friends older than me I have always felt ahead of my years. There were moments in my twenties when I actually yearned to be 40 because I knew that the world and the people in it would finally make sense in the way I had always observed it to be. And that's exactly what happened.
A coming of home of sorts. I have the awareness now to see all the good around me as it's happening and I still have my youth.
Notice that I didn't reference 'the earlier part of life' as 'when you are young' because I have observed that youth is relative, that it is more about a daily decision than it is about how many years you've been on the planet.
I couldn't remember if I announced my age last year, but I did. And I'm so glad I did. Because these can be the years when you start becoming less enthusiastic and anticipatory about the number and the birthday all together. Those of us in the blogging world came up together in our twenties and our thirties, excitedly, anxiously marking those days and years and all of a sudden we've stopped noting the birthdays :-) ...but nope, not this group, as you will see by the eagerness to share in a multitude of posts that will be addressing this mysterious topic of getting older.
And I say mysterious because it seems that our society and culture have almost exclusively been teaching us one view of aging, and that is one of decline not one of expansion, vibrancy and aliveness like no other.
When awareness meets with aliveness, you are unstoppable. And this meeting can only happen when you've been here for a few-ish years. How lucky we are. Those of us who get to experience this meeting place. Oh, I can't even begin to tell you the depth of appreciation I feel on most days. Do I still experience stress, worry and fear as I grow older, I do. Honestly more than I'd like to. But now I have more tools to recognize it sooner and sort it out quicker. This skill set alone gives me a sense of freedom that I never had in my 'younger' days.
I have felt more beautiful now than I ever have. I started dancing again last year so I feel in better shape physically than I ever have. I am more in my skin than ever before and on the days when I can really embrace this, the clarity I have from knowing myself so well is the best. It really, truly is an amazing time and I'm so thankful to be here @ 41.
So the reason I'm calling this post born again is because I literally feel like, in so many ways, my life is just beginning now. Like the first 40 years were just a test run {a pretty good test run, I will say}. And now I get to take all that I have learned thus far and apply it to a life lived all over again. However many days ahead I have, I'll take them! If I get another 40, I'll be so lucky.
I am awake. I have been for a while. But now, I get it. Every day I'm here is a gift to live, I mean really LIVE.
thank you to all the women {and men} who inspire me: those out ahead of me, who have shown me and cotinue to show me the way, especially my Mom who is a daily example that life at 75 can be even better still! and thank you to all of you coming up behind me who remind me that the ideals and characteristics of youth are here for me to embrace, always.
I am so ready to just to have a whole lot more fun. The world is still my oyster.
I have a beautiful life and I don't want to miss a minute of it.
